I came to journal this with no real intention of saying anything important. I was going to just write something about how I'm not making enough art and I need to get to work on more. That's a true statement, but it seems very repetitive.

I blame Everlast and the song "What It's Like" for this mood.

I keep getting these flashes of fear at the most unpleasant times, for really no reason. I guess it's just the imminent threat of death lurking and such.

Let me set the record straight though. I am not afraid to die: for a cause, to protect someone, because it's unavoidable. I am terrified of what comes after though.

My mind has been trained and worked to believe in one religion, to accept it as the irresolute truth. Well, now I've fallen from that idea and I see no light to turn to. My thoughts are now my own and I can control them as I please, I don't have to hinder myself because of moral codes and the like.

Now I don't know how to focus my thoughts to see what I consider the truth. Without guidelines to follow there are billions of possibilities, yet that's all they are. One cannot build a house upon shifting sand.

Without facts and truth all I am able to obtain are "maybes" and "ifs". This thought process is very much like Sudoku, you can only write in a number for certain when you've eliminated all other possibilities. This is by no means a healthy habit and I think it's part of the reason I make art.

So what is it? Reincarnation? Life after death? Waking from sleep? A cycle of life energy? A collective consciousness? Nothing?

Don't answer those questions, because you'll be wrong each and every time you do. So to prevent that wrongness, I advise you to avoid answering. If you do I will message you and tell you how wrong you are.

Feel free to comment though.